If your s/o doesn't have some kind of income....

[Annabe]

I can't stress this enough!!!!

If your S/O does not have some kind of income coming in at the very begining of your relationship/engagement.....RUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN! AS FAST AS YOU CAN THE OTHER DIRECTION!!!!!!!  I repeat RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN! I am living a nightmare after 23 years of being married to this situation. UGH! And I am afraid that I may be headed toward a Bankruptcy (along with a divorce!) 

[disdreamin]

One size does not fit all.

I'm very sorry you're dealing with this, but this was the situation I was in many years ago. It all turned out pretty well for us, so it can work. What matters most is that your philosophies on money (saving, spending, prioritization of expenses) align well. Without that, it won't matter how much money is brought in or by whom.

[DONZI]

23 years is a long time.

If your advise is based on the last 3 years, maybe it's not quite so simple?  ..lots of new factors emerged in the recent past, and continue to bubble up.

Could it be that the response/defense by the s/o and you about recent chaos is something new and different.. and maybe convo about it and a plan is just late coming?

[Rogue46]

Maybe I'm missing some context here but that's a pretty big red flag going into a relationship.. Why would you possibly stay with someone that won't or cannot contribute financially to the relationship?

[Creditwiser]

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@Rogue46 wrote:

Maybe I'm missing some context here but that's a pretty big red flag going into a relationship.. Why would you possibly stay with someone that won't or cannot contribute financially to the relationship?

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I'm willing to bet there are still many couples in a one income relationship / marriage.  Contibutions come in other forms aside from monetary. Understanding that this is the 21 century , there's a lot to be said for stay-at-home moms / dads / couples with families.  Not for me, but I know a few who do this happily & willingly. 

[Rogue46]

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@Creditwiser wrote:

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@Rogue46 wrote:

Maybe I'm missing some context here but that's a pretty big red flag going into a relationship.. Why would you possibly stay with someone that won't or cannot contribute financially to the relationship?

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I'm willing to bet there are still many couples in a one income relationship / marriage.  Contibutions come in other forms aside from monetary. Understanding that this is the 21 century , there's a lot to be said for stay-at-home moms / dads / couples with families.  Not for me, but I know a few who do this happily & willingly. 

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@Creditwiser 

Agreed, I know plenty of people that choose to be stay at home moms/dads which is fine but the tone here almost implies the OP was given no choice at the beginning and throughout the relationship that they are unwilling to work or otherwise provide some monetary help especially with the possibility of having to file for bankruptcy. But let's not jump to conclusions. It's best to wait for the OP to come back and offer more context.

[Jesse123]

I agree with you. There's a lot more to contribute to a happy and healthy family besides the source of income.

[Creditplz]

Ouch! Sorry OP! It's a case by case issue though, I've tried to get DW to quit working her medical practice for 2 years now.. no luck! She likes her independence while at work. 

originally it started off with her not working and me making 80-100k-ish. Times have changed quite drastically!

[MarkintheHV]

I didnt know true love had a check box for bank accounts/employment status

[CorpCrMgr1]

I totally understand. Early in my marriage I was in that situation. Between child care, gas, wear and tear on her car, and time spent on the road she could have worked down the street at a fast food place and made the same money plus gotten free lunch. Must add she had a degree from one of the top universities. Her then boss had a h.s. diploma and another was in her first year of community college.

She did finally get her act together. Seven years after her B.A. and grad school. All of which I paid. It was basically too late.